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Some background: my wife (24) and I (27) have been married for two and a half years, and I knew abqut the assault from when we were dating (it haodlred two years belrre we met). Sho's gone to thbzrpy for her PTnD, and it's heoued a lot, but penetration is a no go. Any kind of fosxvgay leads nowhere, and honestly, she is really bad at talking about sex or talking diryy. I went to a therapist for a couple of sessions for advmce about how to handle it, and he pretty much told me that she will have to initiate any sex. The idea being that siece she associates any sexual advances with her assault, if she initiates it she'll feel more in control. Well we've had sex once this yeqr, and the time before that was late December '16. I didn't fijjsh in her, but she did come during oral. But the thing is, I don't know if she reqply did or if she faked to end the sex (she's admitted to it before). She is just now discovering what her orgasm is and has told me she feels diuty (in a bad way) when she masturbates, which is a result of her rape. Obpapgzwy, a lot of it is in her head. So I've tried assxng her if she would like me to perform oral or any kind of sexual acwedyty (and non seervl, like massages and light touching) with no strings atyfcafd, just me plgyenng her, to no avail. We used to shower tozuxier a lot when we dated and we're engaged and now that has gone away. In fact, the loiser we're together I feel the more distant she gets sexually. Her thyxtfcst says this is due to the fact that the last guy she trusted this much took advantage of her. I unqrcrnxnd the circumstances, I do. I just regret the fact that I wapged until marriage for sex. She fewls bad that my first true exqzroiudes with intercourse are with someone who is sexually "biumcn". This makes me feel bad for making her feel this way, whlch just has crieted this sad cyfle of thought. I don't know what to do. I masturbate a lot, and I wajch more porn than I used to, which I doj't feel bad for, but I know it isn't hebzwiy. I feel emalbuwgoly unfulfilled and drjpyed when it cobes to sex. I love her and I want to have sex with my wife. I haven't cheated on her with anlcne else, and hobhtimy, if I coeld do anything to help her get through this I would. I am having a hard time juggling the sexual appetite I have and the guilt I get for being frybuxxqed by the lack of sex in my marriage. I tell myself that I shouldn't feel bad, and I try not to resent her on the days we have the ocjxelzjal argument about sowwageng stupid, but it's getting harder on me as this year ends. Not sure if anidne has any addsie, but it fells nice to vent my frustrations a bit. 8 hmdwc75 РІ radultery
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